C I P R I A N I

There are few times that I feel in perfect sync. In fact, I would venture to say that I’m not aware of when they happen. There’s such a tremendous amount of distraction and noise in the world nowadays.

And life constantly presents hurdles, distractions, sometime joyous in nature, but still… 

Focus and accomplishment go hand in hand, so eventually with consistent and considerable practice the appearance of “gifted expert” or “enlightened one” is revealed.

Right? 

I beat myself up a lot lately for not practicing more diligently when I was younger and desperately hope that I haven’t suffered too much for my sins.  And when I speak of practice I mean everything in regards to craft, focus, concentration, exercise, eating, reading, faith, purpose.

Enlightenment. 

This beating myself up is actually antithetical to what I hope to achieve, for each day is made up of opportunities for practice. The failure to achieve whatever pursuit is an opportunity for improvement, so in essence the failure can be seen as a blessing.

Mine should not be a pursuit of results, but rather an embrace of process.

These ideas have a warm, comforting energy about them, but not so much when I’m concerned about the future – of which I have little control of outside of my own actions – specifically, how others will receive my work or even in the most basic of terms: How on earth will I make a living?

As attractive as the zen ideas are, I sometimes find myself scared shitless.

And that is a distraction.

Until that fear is gone, the need for practice continues. There is truth in the futility of that fear -fear of something that hasn’t happened yet is a waste of precious energy, energy that could be better spent on process…

And practice.