I am from West Virginia. I grew up in a small town a few miles outside of Pittsburgh called Wellsburg. A great deal of my family and friends are still there and in the surrounding areas. I miss them all and love them dearly. The further I get away from it, the more beautiful my childhood becomes.
I suppose that’s only natural.
And while I have fond memories of home and growing up and the people that I love back there, I’m perplexed by an overwhelming feeling that I have tonight. A feeling that I can only assume is homesickness. I am not often stricken with the malady, if ever. But what is so bizarre about it is not the homesickness itself. Coming of age in such a wonderful place, surrounded by so many loving and colorful characters, I guess in some ways it’d be natural to occasionally want to return to such a place. However, that’s not necessarily what I’m talking about. Tonight, as I said, I am feeling what can best be described as “homesick”.
I guess.
This overwhelming feeling of longing to be be somewhere else.
Longing.
A painful longing.
But here’s the problem:
I long to be in New York City.
I’m certainly not the first nor the last to romanticize the place, but I am bothered. I’ve only lived there really for a few months at a time at various points throughout my life, but for whatever reason, every time I’ve gone there, I’ve felt as if I were…home.
I’ll be the first to admit that this is extremely odd.
It’s a great city, lot of neat stuff, etc. But I didn’t grow up there. I haven’t spent a winter there (though I was there during one of the “Blizzards of the Century”), but it really is more than that.
There’s an almost mystical and certainly ineffable feeling of…
…well, I said ineffable.
I’m sure it’s a natural thing that almost anyone that loves that city experiences. But tonight I find myself longing for this place that isn’t my home. I only wish it was. And that’s kinda weird.
Further, there’s a hope that perhaps life is indeed a circle and that what I’m experiencing is a realization that I actually am there. Just not yet. Which, of course, is unhealthy.
One of the most important things you can do is be present, and ironically that’s another reason why I love the place so much:
When I’m there, there’s no place I’d rather be.
Of course, I’ve only really visited, right?
So that brings another conflict:
What if I am romanticizing it? What if it ain’t that great? What if I do wind up there…and I long to be some place else?
I’m getting ahead of myself.
“What if” isn’t very productive, is it? Being present in the here and now, that seems to be the way to be…
But right now, I wish I was in New York.
C I P R I A N I 
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