C I P R I A N I

It’s striking, that open space in lower Manhattan…  

I had been to and atop the World Trade Center many, many years ago.  A school tour, I believe it was 1989 and just over a decade later, those towers would be gone.

As a freshman in high school, the idea of the towers falling at all, let alone being destroyed in a terrorist attack was unthinkable.  At that time, nuclear annihilation was the default “unthinkable” possibility.   Heck, at that point in time, 1989, there was even beginning to be, perhaps naively, the thought that we were out of those woods.  After all we embarking on a New World Order and a few years later, President Clinton would say no nuclear weapons were pointed at American children.

That decade between 1989 and 2001 was a decade of a lot of naivete and ignorance.  I’m speaking personally, but perhaps for the entire country.

Investigation, however, shows that many were not as naive as myself.   Memos floated around prior to the attacks that “Bin Laden was determined to strike within the U.S.” weeks before the attack.   Apparently President Clinton had an opportunity to kill Bin Laden.

What’s striking to me is I don’t think I really knew who the guy was before 9/11.  I may have had a cursory, passing knowlege.  Heard or read a blip somewhere at some point, but honestly – no true idea.  Certainly not aware that he was capable of anything like this.

I mean, afterall, they tried to knock down the World Trade Center.  And it was still standing. 

But I was out of it.  

And 9/11 smacked me into listening to NPR and reading a lot more news.  Reading a lot more period.   And to this day I still don’t think I read enough…but that’s another matter.

There are so many unthinkable, unnecessary components and dynamics to the tragic events of that day.  The sheer amount of dumb coincidences and ineptitude that made the horrors possible are the most mind numbing to me.

Rising from the ashes of the tragedy came unity, patriotism, heroism, leadership – as well as war, misguided plans, division, lunancy, economic ruin, conspiracy theories…

That day we saw the very worst of our human condition.  And the very best.

And again, all the various components and dynamcis of human nature were on display.

From the courage and responsiveness of the fire fighters and policeman, providing water and safety to the confused masses, saving countless lives, sacrificing their own – to this day some dying of cancer due to the tragedy of that day.  To maniacs flying planes into buildings ending thousands of lives, including their own, and changing forever so many more.  

To a man in a cave who somehow thought this would be a good idea.  To the man elected to lead our country, sitting silently in a room full of children, doing nothing as the towers were hit and our country was under attack.   

Many on the left are quick to criticize the behavior President Bush, but I don’t know if he behaved any differently than so many of us would or even if “bolting to action” would have been a better course to take. 

Of courese, many of us weren’t president.

The idea of wanting to appear calm and not make the children panic is perfectly valid.  But the facts of the public record are these:  When this madness of the day was swirling around us, the guy in charge was sitting in front of a bunch of kids, listening to them read…and continued to do so when he knew this was happening.

Retrospect, of course, is a fuzzy lens.

But there was a lot of…sitting and waiting that day.  Air traffic control, airline reps.  Whether confusion, bureaucracy, or both.  A lot of dithering.   But what we were all doing?

We were in shock.  Watching.  Waiting.  Who’s to say?

Eventually the president did take action…  

I must admit, I wasn’t confident in W. when he became our President, but in those days after the attack, I was hopeful that perhaps he’d be like Prince Hal in Henry the IVth part 1, the seemingly inept prince who grows to become a remarkable king.   

There were shades in those days after the attack that this was a distinct possibility.  I think a lot of his critics were feeling the same way.

Eventually though, we invaded Iraq.

I guess history will decide if this was a blunder or if it actually did help spread democracy through the middle east.  After all, here we are in the midst of the Arab Spring … I don’t know.  I don’t have all the facts, but I’m not really sure how necessary it was.

This is all surface analysis.  And when looking to assign blame?  I don’t even blame Bin Laden as much as I blame the sons of bitches who flew the fucking planes.   It’s hard for me to even wrap my head around considering such a thing, let alone going through with it. 

But from their perspective, they’re heroes.  Gods.  And they hate this country.  So … I guess when I think about the anger I felt that day.  The anger I still feel.  And the kneejerk reactions I had – “Nuke ’em!”  Nuke who?

I guess I can wrap my head around it.  And perhaps it was better that steadier hands were at the wheel.  Even if they were sitting in a school before taking it…

I don’t know.  Ultimately, maybe Iraq was better for the world, but when I look at the economic ruin our country still finds itself in, I don’t know if it was better for our country.  

We were not asked to sacrifice in the same way previous generations were when their leaders took them to war.  Of course, previous generations weren’t attacked as ruthlessly – Of course, Pearl Harbor – but the civilian deaths of 9/11…

The…terror.  Horror.  We’ve never seen anything like it.  And perhaps the administration felt we had sacrificed enough on that Tuesday in September.  Certainly, we had. Certainly some more than others…but perhaps we should have focused squarely on who did this.  But again, maybe there’s something I don’t know.  Maybe Iraq is part of a larger puzzle.  I honestly hope so.  But I don’t know…

The Kennedy assasination has been cited as the day America lost its innocence.  Vietnam too. Some say Watergate.  I’m sure some even felt that way about the Civil War, Lincoln’s assassination.  And I’m sure in the midst of that, people were as critical of Lincoln as others were of Bush.

I remember being in college and being astonished to discover that there was actually a relatively strong anti-war movement during World War II.  In fact, my history professor made quite a case for how unnecessary it was for the United States to get involved in that war.  A war that both of my grandparents fought bravely in.  

This of course was not only an isolationist point of view, but also a pacifist, perhaps libertarian, and yes, perhaps incorrect, point of view.  Who knows?  Point is, history is a lot more complicated and dynamic when it’s happening, before it’s been digested, edited and recorded in the books.

And this one was recorded on TV and on the internet.  We had the ability at home, almost each of us, to have our very own Zapruder tape and begin analyzing WHILE it was happening.

9/11 was squarely my generation’s defining event.  I had certainly heard about the Kennedy Assassination.  Read about i
t, saw the movie – but I wasn’t there.  In fact, I was born almost exactly 10 years after it happened – and for the longest time it seemed as if that event happened a lifetime ago.  Only as I got older, I realized just how much it must have still been echoing in all the minds of the adults around me at the time.  

Afterall, a decade is a blink, as evidenced by today.  But it’s also a long time…it depends on the lens. 

But those images of 9/11, where I was, how we reacted, how we spent the past decade as a country…of course, it swirls to the top of our consciousness on that day’s anniversary.

Today I saw so many people posting on various signs and around the internet:  “We will never forget!”

This seems slightly odd to me, this proclaimation.  I don’t mean to be a disrepectful jerk, but how in the world could any human being do otherwise?

It’s like posting a sign that says “I am going to breathe.”

Who forgot?  Who in the world could forget if they tried?

It’s ironic to me that I’m making this criticism.  And I feel bad about it.  I know the intent, realize it and respect it.  But I still find it curious.  “In remembrance”, or “We Will Remember” just has a different tone to me, though at the end of the day it means the same thing.  “Forget” implies that – and I may be inventing this implication – that there’s the possibility that someone would – or further, there’ll be revenge.

And of course we did catch Osama Bin Laden.  Finally.  10 years later.

Through that lens, a decade feels like a very, very long time.  Too long.  Glad we “got him”.  But I get angry.  10 years is a lot of time.  A lot more time than all those people on the planes had, all those folks in the buildings, all those firefighters…   

Seconds…minutes…hours…if they were…

Well all those slices of time were horrorific no matter how long…imagine what they each could have done with ten more years.  What their families could have done.

Imagine what you could accomplish in 10 years if your set your mind to it.  Of course, knowing people were hot on your trail might inhibit your productivity, but at the very least, you’d probably be able to put your house in order and say your proper good byes.  Which Bin Laden, I believe was at least able to do before he was killed. 

The people that died that day, obviously, weren’t able to do that.

And though we immediately said “We’d never Forget”, in the days after that terrible day, swearing revenge…We eventually invaded Iraq.

We are the most powerful military in the history of the world.  Technology is available to our nation that I’m certain most of us aren’t even aware of. 

10 years.  It took us 10 years to get this guy.

I don’t know how long it took him to plan it, but I’m sorry, the amount of damage that guy did in a little over 100 minutes…and it took us 10 years…

I don’t mean to diminish the accomplishment of the brave men, braver and better than I’ll ever be, that did ultimately find him.  But as far as the administration, the folks that were running things?  It didn’t seem like this was a real priority by 2003.  I don’t know if they necessarily forgot, but it did seem like their mind was on other stuff.

In their defense, I certainly wasn’t aware of what was going on.  Just as I had little inkling of who Osama Bin Laden was and what he was capable of on September 10th, who knows what has been going on – and thankfully stopped since September 11th – So I apologize if I’m speaking out of turn.

Watching the retrospective of all the things that went wrong that day, a point is driven home that I’ve always suspected. 

As much as I enjoy conspiracy theories of all kinds, I treat them as fiction, neat diversionary yarns.  At the end of the day I think, while some have a kernel of truth, most of it is bullshit.  And when you look at what really happened that day, we discover a lot of terribly unfortunate coincidences.  And a lot of people not doing their job well.  A lot of people having just a bad day at the office.

This isn’t blame.  It happens, unfortunately.  But it cost lives.  The security guy at the airport that didn’t stop one of the terrorists when the metal detector went off.  Another security guy at the airport that didn’t stop another terrorist when he didn’t have a photo ID.  The FAA not making airlines better aware of this possibility.  The FBI and CIA not being better about notifying the FAA about this possibility.  The FAA, FBI and CIA not being better about notifying the American people about this possibility.  The air traffic controllers not being better about notifying the military.  All the while the President was sitting in a classroom with some children.

This isn’t conspiracty.  These things happened.  And it’s more than enough.   Dick Cheney didn’t have a team of explosive experts go into the towers the night before – or whatever nonsense is out there.  It gives the guy far too much credit.   

While the president was in a classroom, Dick Cheney, you would think was in charge in Washington.  

Why weren’t jets scrambled more efficiently?  Why?  Why?  

Look, hindsight is 20/20.  Would any of us done any different?  The madness of that day?  Could anyone genuinely have fathomed it?  It’s simple to now.  It’s happened.  But we can’t know.  We can’t.  And we can’t know if any of us would have reacted any differently, if we really could have stopped this…  

..Though the military said, had they been notified in a more timely fashion – they believe they could have stopped this.  So who knows.  What is true is that there were a handful of people who had jobs that might, just might have stopped some of this.  But probably couldn’t stopped all of it.  It just happened too damn fast.  

But still I wonder…

Now, there are agencies in place … and hopefully now systems that will indeed prevent anything like this happening again.  But…who knows?

We were all dumbfounded, looking at the pictures on TV – imagine having to make decisions in the midst of that madness.

A lot broke down that day.  And it crystallizes for me.

Personally, I like President Bush as a guy.  I do.  I think a lot of irrevocable damage was done during his presidency.  I think his presidency was a terrible period in our country on paper.  The attack, the wars, the recession, Katrina, the eroding of the middle class – How much of it was his “fault”?  I don’t know.  I just don’t remember this much bad shit happening when anyone else was president.

More specifically, do I think 9/11 was “his fault”?  Absolutely not.  And I certainly don’t think he could have done anything to stop it.  However, history will judge if he responded to it in the best way.  From here, and this is certainly not an expert’s knowledge, I don’t think so.

On paper – spreading democracy in the middle east – Not a bad idea in theory.  In execution? That’s a different story.

The president at the end of the day, what do they really do?  Sure those days right after 9/11, W. filled me with some hope, just as Barack filled me with hope in 2008. 

But here we are.   

Politicians’ hope, ultimately, seems empty.  And that perhaps is the shining light of that day.  The firefighters and rescue workers.  The People, the real people – most people.  You can put your faith in them.  That hope you have, the stories of regular folks pulling people from the fire, giving people water, volunteering, saving lives – Racing into burning buildings.  My God, we saw the very best of humanity that day. &nb
sp;The very worst of it brought it out, and, yes, a lot of folks had a bad day at the office, but those rescue workers?  Hell, the people of New York City?  Tough day at the office, of course – The toughest.  But their performance?  Exemplary.  

New York.  You go back there.  They haven’t forgotten, and that town has bounced back.  God, I love that town…

That’s what was on my mind when I left all those years ago after standing on top of the Twin Towers, a few days later, driving out of town, seeing the Statue of Liberty in the distance as I made my way back home, all I could think was that I was going to go back there some day.

And I did…

Again and again, but of course after 9/11 it was different.  But so was I.  So were we all.

But most of us are still here.  Trying to have better days at the office.  Not forgetting. Remembering…

And ironically, after that long digression, that’s my most vivid memory of 9/11.  Not the planes, the wreckage, the fire, the ash … 

After hours of coverage on TV, I was on the couch…having not moved.  Glued to the set, watching the madness alone, trying to make some sense of it…and I dozed off.

Falling asleep laying there with the television on, I slipped away into dreamland.

A few hours later I woke up.   And I had forgotten.  

For just a very brief second, in that space between asleep and awake, before regaining consciousness and entering back into the real world, I had forgotten what had happened.  

Maybe I thought it was just a dream, but exhausted, disoriented, waking up – while it was literally only a few seconds, I had just stirred from the blackened slumber, not yet aware.  Just a few fleeting, peaceful, seconds.  

But then I turned my head to the right and there all the madness was, still on TV.  The fire, the ash, the tears, the wreckage…And all of us were still trying to make sense of it.  And it wasn’t just a nightmare.  It had actually happened.  But for 2 simple seconds in between being asleep and awake, I had, for just a moment, forgotten.

But at that moment right after, when I looked at the TV, that’s really when it hit me.  

I would never forget.